Originally written August 6, 2026
Today’s update.
I don’t feel great.
I still got up, fed myself and took my meds. I even put together a shelf. But everywhere I turn, my mom isn’t there. There’s just this emptiness where she used to be, and some days it feels impossible to ignore.
I was planning on doing my Whatnot comeback show tonight. I keep scheduling it and then moving it, and I feel bad every time I do. I know my shop is important. Whatnot live sales are an asset to my business, and eventually I have to get back in front of the camera.
But I’m just not sure I can do that yet.
Streaming requires me to be on. I have to talk. I have to interact. I have to sell things. I have to be some version of myself that people are used to seeing.
And right now, I don’t feel like that person.
My mom is gone.
Sometimes I still say those words and can’t believe they’re actually true.
She’s gone, and it’s gut wrenching.
I know life and my business have to continue, but I’m starting to understand that continuing doesn’t necessarily mean forcing myself to do everything before I’m ready.
You can still support my shop while I figure out when I’m ready to come back to live streaming. Everything is available through FRDCreations.com, and you can also find me on Whatnot by searching bgfilly.
My shops, social media, music and everything else I have going on can also be found at BGFilly.com.
For now, I’m going to lie down.
Maybe I’ll find the courage to stream tonight.
Maybe I won’t.
I’m trying to remind myself that either one is okay.