August 19, 2026
Today’s update.
I finally got my ass downtown and filed my mom’s will.
It’s done.
Well, that part is done. Because apparently nothing involving an estate can ever involve one piece of paper and a nice little “Okay, you’re finished now!” I picked up some additional forms while I was downtown and took care of part of the estate stuff. Tomorrow I have a bunch of things that need to be notarized, but the part I’ve been dreading the most is finally behind me.
Hopefully, I won’t have to open a probate case. Fingers crossed on that one because I have learned quite enough about this process already, thank you very much.
I’m glad I finally went, though. I’ve been putting it off, partly because I didn’t want to deal with it and partly because every administrative thing I do for Mom feels like another acknowledgment that she’s really gone. Filing someone’s will is such an official, sterile little task for something that exists because your entire life has changed.
But I did it.
Then I came home and apparently decided I hadn’t accomplished enough for one day.
I Have an Office Again!
I finished organizing my desk.
And LOOK AT IT.
Okay, it’s still a work in progress. There are some shelves I need to hang so I can get some of the trinkets off the desk and give everything a little more breathing room. But I have a usable desk in my office again.
Photo included because I have proof!
Getting my office back has become strangely important to me. I’ve talked a lot lately about reclaiming little pieces of my house, and I think this is another one of those things. I need somewhere I can sit down, write, work on FRDCreations, deal with paperwork, edit things and just generally feel like I have a functional workspace again.
It doesn’t need to be perfect yet.
It just needs to work.
And now it does.
And Then I Went Downstairs…
Because apparently I don’t understand the concept of stopping while I’m ahead.
I went downstairs and finally put up the third large shelving unit for the Crystal and Soul section of my shop.
Holy shit, what a difference.
There’s still a lot of organizing to do, and looking at the photo you can definitely tell this is a shop in progress. But compared to where I started, I can finally see what this space is supposed to become.
The crystals are getting homes. Inventory is getting organized. Things are getting off the floor. I’m starting to be able to actually see the shop instead of seeing piles of stuff that need to be dealt with.
I still have more trash bins to drag out to the curb tonight, but I’m taking a break first because my stomach has decided we’ve accomplished quite enough.
I’m sick to my stomach again, so I’m going to lie down for a bit and let my body catch up with whatever the hell my brain decided we were doing today.
Tomorrow, after therapy, I’ll tackle the notary stuff. Then I want to start unpacking some of my curated jewelry so I can get it packaged.
Yes, I have to unpack things so I can package them.
No, that sentence doesn’t make sense.
They don’t ship the jewelry individually packaged for retail, so I have to unpack everything, inspect it, organize it and package it properly for the shop.
Welcome to small business ownership.
Taking August Off Was the Right Decision
The more I work on the shop, the more I realize how glad I am that I decided to take this month off from streaming.
I wasn’t ready.
I kept trying to convince myself that I needed to get back on camera because Whatnot is part of my business, but I know now that pushing myself would have been a mistake. I can’t turn on a camera and magically become goofy, quirky Filly when some days I’m struggling just to exist inside my own head.
Hopefully, when September rolls around, I’ll have a functional shop space to stream from and I’ll be in a slightly better place mentally. I’m not expecting grief to disappear because the calendar changes months. I just want to give myself some time before asking that part of myself to perform again.
And the shop is finally starting to look like somewhere I want to work.
I can even see the light at the end of the tunnel with the bead sorting.
Unfortunately, that progress may have recently suffered a minor setback because apparently someone who looks suspiciously like me ordered more beads.
I don’t know who she is.
I’ve never met her.
Maybe I should bring this up in therapy tomorrow.
Do they send people on grippy sock vacations for bead addictions?
Asking for a friend.
A friend who looks exactly like me and apparently has access to my credit card.
Anyway.
Don’t let this update fool you into thinking I’m doing well today.
I’m not.
Today was another hard day.
I filed my mom’s will. I dealt with paperwork that I wish didn’t exist. I came home to a house where she still isn’t here. That pain hasn’t gone anywhere just because I managed to organize a desk and put up a shelf.
I think that’s something I’m slowly learning about grief.
A productive day isn’t necessarily a good day.
Sometimes it’s just a hard day where I happened to get shit done.
Today, instead of crawling into bed and sleeping through the feelings, I kept myself busy. I went downtown. I handled what needed to be handled. I worked on my office. I worked on my shop. I made visible progress in two spaces that have been overwhelming me for weeks.
And now I’m going to let myself rest.
Tomorrow there will be therapy, notarizing, jewelry packaging and, knowing me, probably another mysterious bead order placed by my identical twin.
But that’s tomorrow.
Today I did enough.
And that’s gotta count for something.
I bid you toodaloo!