September 4, 2026
Today was heavy.
That’s really the best word I have for it.
I barely did anything. I didn’t have some big productive moment, I didn’t make a dent in the office or the shop, and I didn’t have one of those random bursts of energy where I suddenly decide to reorganize half the house.
I just felt heavy.
Grief is kicking my ass today.
I really miss my mom.
There isn’t even a specific reason. Nothing dramatic happened. There wasn’t one particular memory that set me off. Sometimes the sadness just shows up and settles into everything. It makes the room feel heavier, my body feel heavier, even getting up feels like more effort than it should.
So I didn’t do much.
And I’m trying not to make that into some kind of failure.
I know I’ve been doing a lot lately. Estate stuff, appointments, cleaning, organizing, trying to get my office and shop back together, making plans, writing, therapy, taking care of Beaker. I’ve been functioning, even when I haven’t felt functional.
Today, I think I just ran out of steam.
I miss having Mom here. I miss hearing her. I miss knowing she was in the next room. I miss all the little things that used to annoy me and somehow now feel like things I would give anything to experience again.
That’s the part that still catches me off guard.
You think you’ll miss the big things.
And you do.
But you also miss the ordinary shit.
The interruptions.
The questions.
The sounds.
The routines.
The things you never thought would become memories.
Today, I don’t have a lesson.
I don’t have a funny ending.
I don’t have anything profound to say about grief.
I just miss my mom.
A lot.
So today was a quiet day.
A heavy day.
A barely-did-anything day.
And I guess that has to be okay too.
Tomorrow can be whatever tomorrow is.
Today, I’m just sad.